Liberal Wacko, Montana Division


Republican porn
June 14, 2006, 4:01 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Every day as I drive to lunch to enjoy my Elitist Hollywood lunch, a gas station hotdog slathered in mustard, I listen to El Rushbo (a term he may have to abandon, if English is made the "official" language of the USA).

I often wonder how republicans can listen to him day after day. It is simply mental mastrubation. Done repeatedly this act can cause you to perform inadequately when the actual act of thought is required. 

Some republicans listen to this as they work. Then they tune in to "Open Range" (am1450, you should listen sometime) on the drive home, then check in with Micheal Savage, whose real name is Michael Weiner, (he used to sell herbal remedies to liberal types), then come home and log on to whatever blog or website supplements their daily hunger for self gratification.

It is Republican Porn.

They work themselves up all day, muttering things like "damn those libs…" and "my God, Dubya is the single smartest and greatest man to bless this country with his unending policy genius…" and "Mega Dittos!" Whatever the fuck that means, then come home and spew all over their favorite blog's comment section… then and only then, finally exhausted, they crawl into bed and dream of getting some tax relief for overburdened millionaires.

So what are the symptoms of republican porn addiction?

1. Repeating talking points as if you actually know the first fucking thing about foriegn and domestic policy: What it is like to live in Iraq, what should be done to stem the flow of illegals, how taxation is a democrat thing, liberals are commies, anybody that is nice to a liberal or agrees with one (gasp) is a god-forsaken moderate. Liberal Elite, Hollywood crowd, traitors, anti-American, tax and spend… you know the list.

But the symptoms get worse. Soon you see the contradictions:

"Liberal Elite and Hollywood crowd ruining America" conversation in the cab of the truck…

vs.

"Vote Democrat! It's easier than getting a job!" bumper sticker on the tailgate.

Are we Elite? Are we milking the welfare system? Make up your mind.

"Schweitzer bashes Arabs by using the word sheik"

vs.

"Arabs hate America and our freedoms."

I can't figure it out. Maybe if I say "Mega Dittos!" repeatedly it will all make sense.

"Pro Life"

vs.

"Pro War"

Explain that one to God.

"fiscal responsibility"

vs.

"Record budget deficit"

etc.

As a bleeding heart liberal, you probably want to reach out…try to help them…or at least understand how they got that way.

Do not attempt this. They are big on "personal responsiblility". As a liberal, you are unfamiliar with this concept, as they define it. (see "everything is Bill Clinton's fault" in the Carl "turd bucket" Rove playbook).

So when you hear old Conrad Burns say "I can't wait to debate John Tester" right after he doesn't show up for the debate…just remember:

Republican Porn is addictive, just like painkillers can be…

And let them go off to their special dark little place.

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5 Comments so far
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I offer this only for contemplative purposes. Three facts. Related? You decide.

1) As you might imagine, I have a fair few Republican friends (well, paid sympathizers, anyway). We hang out as a group often enough. Limbaugh never — ever — comes up in the discussion.

2) In order to keep myself from falling too deep into relying on a single source for my news, I try hard to read the liberal blogs and web sites. There, I read discussion of Rush ad nauseum.

3) When I read the newspaper, I turn first to the editorial page — not because I find much there with which I can agree, but because it feels GOOD to feel so much smarter and more righteous than the writers with whom I disagree.

Based on these three facts, and assuming that my attitude toward editorials is shared by many others, I propose the following hypothesis: Rush’s audience — and therefore his income — is made up largely of folks on the left. Liberals enjoy listening to him because it makes them feel smarter. Republicans don’t tune in very much.

Just a theory, of course. But then, that’s what they say about evolution…

Comment by NeoMadison

We listen.

“keep your friends close…keep your enemies closer”

And my Republican friends don’t listen to Rush either…yet they say the same things he does…curious.

Comment by Wacko Lib

[…] Our Liberal Whacko examines Republican porn. […]

Pingback by 4&20 blackbirds » Blog Archive » Links…

well done….. and I don’t think too mean spirited…… 🙂
You do nice work, but forgot one thing…..
with every addiction there has to be a cure and a hot line and encounter groups…… oh wait….. maybe this would fall under the ADA….. then there could be special compensation for the afflicted……that would be a fun delima for the addicts huh? 🙂
You may truly be on to something here my sweet lib…….
Always, your Miranda

PS I do listen to it… but I am only a social listener…. I can stop anytime I want to….!LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Comment by miranda

Rush would enjoy knowing you’re listening.

Comment by Eric Coobs




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