Liberal Wacko, Montana Division

Canadian Border Alert!
June 12, 2006, 10:53 pm
Filed under: Canada

Everyone else probably already got this. I couln't help but post it.

Manitoba (Canada) Herald

 The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.  The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.  

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.  "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said
Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders
North Dakota.  The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.  When I said I didn't have any, he left.  Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"  In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them.

So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.  "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."  Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive  them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.  "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an 
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa
Valley cabernet, though."  When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. 

 Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.  In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious  ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on  bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.  "If they can't identify the accordion player on The  Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.  

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan  Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?" 

 In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.  We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts.  And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said. Daniel Craig, DOM  "Sow Justice, Reap Peace — Strategies for Moving Beyond War"2006 VFP Annual ConventionAugust 10-13,
Seattle, WA


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

That’s freakin’ hilarious! I had not seen it yet. Thanks for the post.

Comment by Shane C. Mason

Speaking as your Canadian wife, great article but I don’t think that was the proper use of “eh!”, eh!

Comment by Lauren

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